And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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