I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
