Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
