mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
