so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
