i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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