just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
