"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
