I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
