dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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