Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
