I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
