Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
