Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
