What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
