Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Are we still banned from the library?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
