totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
