Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
