Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
