when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
