he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
