I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
