Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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