I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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