He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
