Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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