I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
