hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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