Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
