He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
even my farts smell like vagina
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
