I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
