I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
