Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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