What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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