Betty ford says i'm here all night
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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