dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
