i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
