Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
