the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
