Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need to calm my uterus...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
