We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
