Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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