she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
