you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
