I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
