all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
