I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
