is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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