Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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