She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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