TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So squirting runs in the family.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
