They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
