Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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