I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
