i think my tv is drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
