im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
