So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
