HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
